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A review of Eye of the Hawk Ale (in the category of Booze)
by: tim

This beer was purchased as part of an assorted 12 pack (four different beers, three of each) by the Mendocino Brewing Co. in Saratoga Springs, New York. Drank from the bottle.

An associate and I decided to sample two of the beers one evening, this and the stout. After sipping each beer once, I instructed the associate to give me the beer which he liked the least, as I found both to be acceptable during the sampling process. After a few more sips, though, things turned for the worse in a rapid manner.

Let's put your imagination to use and visualize the Mendocino Brewing Company's brewery. An employee, let's call him Johnny, is hard at work, brewing what he may believe to be a tasty ale. He's of course wearing his safety goggles, thick leather gloves, a hard hat, and perhaps a brightly colored vest. He carries a pistol with him since he lives in the crime-ridden rat hole that is New York. Standing over the 100 gallon brewing pot on a wire floor, he carries a bottle of liquid horrible. Since he will be quitting the next day, Johnny decides it would be of his best interest to pour the bottle of liquid horrible into the ale in progress. He hated every day of work and desired to stick it to the Mendocino Brewing Co. However, Johnny loses his balance and plummets into the open vat. He splashes around, attempting to save his life. The mixture of liquid horrible and beer wort causes a miraculous reaction and consumes Johnny whole, bones, hard hat, and all. Days pass and the wort sits around without maintenance. Eventually, the shipment manager, Ralph, notices that production appears to be slowing down. Smoking a cigar, he acts quickly and tosses some yeast into the "Eye of the Hawk Ale" cauldron. Days later, he bottles the liquid and ships it out.

That is the beer I drank. It tastes like it was trying to be good, but then something went very, very wrong.

I'd really like to believe that this beer was from a bad batch or something (perhaps it was sitting out in the sun for a couple months) because I hope, for the sake of everything beer, that someone didn't intentionally make something that tastes like this. It has a strange, almost berry/wax/licorice-like bite to it that just destroyed any chance of satisfaction. I was only able to force myself to consume half of the bottle's contents.

Deciding to read the beer's label after writing this review, I was shocked though somewhat relieved. "Rich, robust and complex, with a ton of flavor. Legendary in California since 1984, the Eye has won many medals. Brewed traditionally, it is a favorite at the Great British Beer Festival. Only the finest premium malts and whole hops are used. Let your spirit soar." While feces has "a lot of flavor" too, I'm now convinced that the beer I drank went bad before it was purchased. There's no way something with a taste like what I had could possibly win any sort of positive award. Nonetheless, until I know for sure, I must place my rating as if what I consumed was the product as intended.

Overall rating:

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